# # Manželský pár z Minneapolis se rozhodl odletět na Floridu, aby
# # se vyhnul obzvlášť studené zimě doma. Manželka potřebovala v
# # zaměstnání dokončit
# # ještě nějaký úkol, a tak se rozhodli, že manžel poletí ve středu a jeho
# žena
# # jej
# # bude následovat až příští den. Manžel po příletu do Miami v hotelu
# zjistil,
# # že má ve svém apartmá dispozici i počítač s internetovým připojením.
# # Rozhodl se tedy poslat manželce e-mail. Při psaní adresy ale vynechal
# jedno
# # písmenko, chybu nepostřehl, e-mail tak odeslal na
# # špatnou adresu. Mezitím, kdesi v Houstonu, se vracela jedna žena z
# pohřbu
# # zesnulého manžela. Její choť byl po mnoho let významný činitel, tudíž
# přišlo
# # velké množství kondolencí včetně i e-mailů. Vdova se rozhodla poštu
# přečíst a
# # už po přečtení prvního e-mailu hlasitě vykřikla a v mdlobách se sesunula
# k
# # zemi. Výkřik zaslechl její syn,vyběhl do místnosti, uviděl matku ležící
# na zemi
# # a na stole běžící počítač.
# # Na monitoru pak četl následující:
# # Komu: Mé milované ženušce
# # Předmět: Jsem na místě
# # Datum: 16. ledna 2004
# # Vím, že budeš mým e-mailem překvapena. Tady totiž jsou počítače taky a já
# ti
# # tedy můžu o sobě poslat zprávu. Právě jsem dorazil. Jak vidím, vše je tu
# # připravené i pro tvůj zítřejší příchod. Moc se těším, až tě zase uvidím!
# # Doufám, že tvá cesta sem bude stejně bezproblémová jako byla ta moje.
# # Tvůj milující manžel
# # P.S.: Tady dole je opravdu horko.
_______________________________________________________________________
> > Chlapík jde do důchodu a za ušetřené peníze si chce
> > koupit něco, po čem vždycky toužil - sportovní auto. Udělá to a hned
> > vyrazí na dálnici, když se za nim náhle objeví policejní auto. Chlápek si
> > pomysli: "Mám Ferrari, ujedu mu jako nic!" - 160, 180, 220. Pak si
> > pomyslí: "Přece se nezabiju" a zastaví.
> > Policajt k němu dojede a říká: "Už jsem slyšel ÚPLNĚ všechny výmluvy,
> > ale mám dneska dobrou náladu, takže když mi řeknete něco, co ještě
> > nikdo nezkoušel, nechám vás jet." Chlápek povídá: "Jsou to dva dny,
> > co mi manželka utekla s policajtem a já myslel, že mi ji vezete
> > zpátky".
> > "JEĎTE!!!!"
_______________________________________________________________________
# # # # #
# # # # # # On hledá ji: Hledám ženu do třiceti let, pak už na
to seru...
# # # # # #
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# # # # # # Jste mladý, vzdělaný, zkušený a komunikativní? Jste
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# # # # # # nasazením? Chcete vydělávat 90 tisíc měsíčně a
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# # # # # # celém světě?
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# # # # # #
# # # # # # Hledá se tchýně, kdo jí najde, dostane přes držku.
# # # # # #
# # # # # # Mladý, pohledný, dobře zabezpečený muž s vysokoškolským
# # # # # # vzděláním dobrými kontakty. Mám dvě auta, rodinný
dům a vilu v
# # # # # # Karibiku.
# # # # # # ZN: nehledám nic, jenom se chlubim...
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# # # # # #
# # # # # # Z dopisu: Drahá, odpusť mi, že jsem k Tobě minulý
týden nepřišel,
# # ale
# # # # # # byl jsem pít a nemohl jsem dva dny přijít k sobě, natož
k Tobě...
# # # # # #
# # # # # # Po hodině vyjde ze záchodu bledý a zpocený muž.
# # # # # # Ptají se ho: "Co jste tam dělal tak dlouho?"
# # # # # # "Onanoval jsem."
# # # # # # "Tak dlouho?"
# # # # # # "Víte, nejsem svůj typ!!"
# # # # # #
# # # # # # Novomanželé vycházejí po svatebním obřadu z kostela.
# # # # # # Kolemjdoucí kluci se na sebe zašklebí a jeden z nich
řekne:
# # # # # # "Vystrašíme je?"
# # # # # # Druhý neváhá, rozběhnou se k nim a křičí: "Ahoj
tati....."
# # # # # #
# # # # # #
# # # # # # "Byli jste už na Štrbském plese?"
# # # # # # "Ne, my chodíme na hasičský."
# # # # # #
# # # # # # Stojí dva kosmonauti na Měsíci před raketou a jeden
říká
# # # # # # druhému:
# # # # # # "Nekoukej na mně tak blbě, já jsem nezamykal!!"
# # # # # #
# # # # # # Slon se ptá velbloudice: "Proč máš svá prsa na hřbetě?"
# # # # # # "Hmmm", odpovídá velbloudice, "Zajímavá otázka od
někoho, komu
# # # # # # visí šulin z ksichtu...
# # # # # #
# # # # # # Horká novinka z jednání fotbalové Sparty - večer
by to mělo
# # # # # # být ve
# # # # # # zprávách!
# # # # # # Novým trenérem Sparty bude sbormistr Kulínský, který
hráče
# # # # # # konečně naučí, jak vniknout do šestnáctky.
# # # # # #
# # # # # # Někdo klepe na dveře, pán otevře a tam stojí malá
smrtička s
# # malou
# # # # # # kosičkou a povídá: "Pane přišla jsem si pro vašeho
křečka."
# # # # # # Pán říká: "Neotravuj a vypadni."
# # # # # # Za půl hodiny zase někdo klepe na dveře, pán otevře
a tam
# # # # # # stojí velká smrt s velkou kosou a malá smrtička s
malou kosičkou.
# # # # # # Ta malá říká "Mami, to je on...."
# # # # # #
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